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Friday, July 15, 2005 ' 10:06 PM Y

& your soul is all i ever wanted

Continued reflections and whining

Its a Friday night! the weekend is here! and this weekend is so packed I wonder if I'll enjoy it as i usually do of weekends. Gotta attend the National Day parade practice tomorrow and I wonder if I'll enjoy it. Hm. anyway down to my proper reflections

But before that, my results

Subject Marks Percentage
Biology - 52.5/100 53%
Chemistry - 28.5/80 36%
General Paper - 26/50 52%
Maths - 11/30 37%
Physics - 29.5/110 27%

Well. LOOK AT THAT!!! that is CRAP!!!!

Totally, i feel that this is TOTALLY unacceptable!! (restrains self from wanting to ramble)

Okay. that over and done with, my reflections on this....disgusting set of data.

Well. For Bio and chem, I do believe i had STUDIED a LOT. So the results were among the most disappointing. GP....kinda expected, at least I didn't fail. But the examiner commented I have a tendency to ramble, so I'm starting practice with my blog. As for Physics and Maths, besides the fact I was upset over the departure of my room mate and a few friends...admittedly I lacked study. But the overall verdict : I need more practice with answering structure questions and I need to understand the question system here.

Thus my efforts to improve my work have me doing tutorials late into the night now, and I've grounded myself in the hostel as much as possible. No more nonsense for the past week as self punishment. After a call from my mum twice this week and a call from my dad, I've decided if I'm going to go out for fun I'll do it only once a week. oddly enough I thought that was exactly what I was doing in the last semester. Oh well. Must be more disciplined now.

Another reflection would be my school life. Due to the efforts and late nights...I'm tired in lectures and classes...not exactly conducive. Also lots of things keep popping up, competitions etc etc and well, i kind of find them a bit of a bother. In fact the general feeling I've been having lately is to dig a hole in the ground and bury myself with my books inside it.

Yes, I have been having a whole load of terribly negative thoughts lately. My mum has adviced me to be more positive. Well I try to be....but my duties and worries do weigh me down. It was rather comforting when my mum said she doesnt have to worry about me when I'm here, but then again I think I worry about myself more than enough for the both of us. This is what my duties look like:

As ASEAN rep: - handle newspaper subscription
- I just found out that the J2s didnt get their newspapers this week coz they
didnt pay Alex (the J2 rep). And to think I actually fork out my own money
to pay for the newspapers first.

- pass messages from Ms Chai, our teacher in charge
- I seem to have to make multiple messages because people don't listen to
me properly. I hate that.

- attend meetings with other comm members. This aint too bad...

- collect the ASEAN dance payment etc.
- problems with this as well. sometimes I feel that the comm isnt being
appreciated for all the effort we put into our activities. sometimes i feel like
just quitting my duties. See if they appreciate anything I do after that. Okay,
there are people who DO support me. And I thank them a million times for
it.

Just to release this all out, I hate it even more when we have a meeting with the MOE officer which is compulsory (And I mention that specifically) and people message me to ask what the agenda is and can they not attend coz they don't want to stay back for it. THAT IS ULTIMATELY RIDICULOUS. who do you think I am, an MOE official?? If I knew I'd tell you!!

Physics rep of my class
- Basically I just collect the stuff from the book shop and pass it around. have to fork out money too, but i get it back of coz.

yeah...2 duties only and they already stress up my life to the ultimatum . Arggh!! Maybe I should not consider the proposal to enter the Student Council in my hostel, to which I've just been invited into. I was very honored to be invited though, I didn't stand for election or anything. Its mainly because the vice president, my room mate Pei Ying went back and they have a oirt of 'power vaccum' i guess.

And imagine if I got a post in my CCA here!!! GEE!!

Well that was a big load off my chest. I feel much better now. Special thanks and love to all the people who have constantly supported and consoled me this past few weeks, my parents, my teachers who asked me if i had any problems and who worried about my results, my cousin Xin Hua, my kai kor Seng Hon, frens: Jian Wei, Ying Lee, Chong, Siang Ee, Adrian, and all those people out there who care for me. Thanks to Zheng Yang as well for lending me "the godfather" and "asking for trouble -tales of saffy and amanda"...they are superb books which have really
helped me clear my mind.

Love you all.

Cest MoiY

Xtine
Loves
Music

'I dreamt that I was composing a symphony....I had gone to my table to begin writing it down when I suddenly reflected: "If I write this part I shall let myself be carried on to write the rest. The natural tendency of my mind to expand the material is sure to make it very long...When the symphony is finished I shall be weak enough to allow my copyist to copy it out, and thus immediately incur a debt of 1,000 or 1,200 francs. Once the parts are copied I shall be harassed by the temptation to have the work performed; I shall give a concert in which, as is sure to be the case in these days, the receipts will barely cover half the expenses; I shall lose what I have not got; I shall want the necessaries of life for my poor invalid, and shall have no money for either myself or for my son's keep on board ship!"...I threw down my pen saying, "Bah! I shall have forgotten the symphony tomorrow." But the following night the obstinate symphony again presented itself...'
- Berlioz writing about a nightmare he had during the 1850s

SHE WANTSY

job >3
grand piano <3
happiness

SCREAM;TALKY

(where to get one)

EXITSY

CREDITSY

Designer: x o
Image: shinylibra94