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Thursday, June 30, 2005 ' 12:00 AM Y

& your soul is all i ever wanted
Tear rolls down my cheek...

Sounds sad? Well...lil miss blogger here is a wee bit depressed. to the power of infinity perhaps. brace yourself for an output of extreme emotion.

I've had heaps of news. my common tests of mid years started. events happened. some put me a top the world, others, well, where i am now. i guess it began on monday, with the bio paper. do-able. distressing that i memorise all sorts of genetic engineering for nothing. guanine deoxyribonucleoside triphospate has disappointed me. nonetheless i was happy then. after bio i came back and studied for my maths. tired out, i took a nap.

at about 5 my room mate, Pei Ying woke me up, she'd got the JPA for actuarial science to the States! I was estatic. She was planning to defer. More happiness. I'd take my SATs and all with her. Ru Xing, another friend got it too. Medicine to Aus. She was leaving a.s.a.p. Happy for her too. Spent a few hours telling Pei Ying the benefits of studying in Singapore before going to the States. At night, she told me her parents had convinced her to go back to Malaysia instead of defering.

And the walls began to crash down on my little circle of security i'd built around my life in Singapore.

On Tuesday Maths was disgusting. 10 questions in 2 hours. I didn't finish the paper. but i pray to scrape through. Chem was due next, but Ying Lee and I went shopping for presents for the now 4 people leaving, Pei Ying, Ru Xing, Wan Ying and Arwin. We were depressed from Maths anyway. And I dropped my laptop off to check the CD Drive. Shopping was v. theraputic. We felt quite happy when we were making the cards for the malaysians to sign for the 4 girls. At 9.30 we had a lil gathering downstairs, all the JC1s. Ru Xing and her room mates were crying....

Weds morning, when I woke up, it was 4 am and I studied Chem. Pei Ying woke up at 6.00am, and when she came down for breakfast it hit me that this'd be the last time I'd see her at the breakfast table. And that I'd never walk up to the bus with her again (which is what we always do). And.....perasaan hiba!!!

After Chem, which was better than Math but worse than Bio (I didnt finish the paper either), I rushed to get my laptop and get back to write in Ru Xing's book. Felt like crying as I wrote, and when I wrote a message for Pei Ying, I was working hard to keep myself composed.

Ru Xing got back from MOE and Chareli, Shi Wei and I helped her cart her 11 bags(!) down. Ru Xing and I had a last 'Singaporean Adventure" in a taxi ride with a grouchy uncle. And...well... she was gone. I went up to help Pei Ying, who brought her mom up as her dad waited downstairs. Pei Ying looks a lot like her mom. Helped her find tickets to Kl and cart the bags down again, this time with Ying Lee. When we stepped out of the hostel, lucky Pei Ying happened to walk out as a large number of JC2s were walking in. At this point I was crying at one side...wonder if anyone noticed. I cried a bit more after Pei Ying got on the taxi. Not the sob-sob type of crying mind you.

Teardrops slid, unheeded, down my face.

Thanks to Ying Lee for cheering me up and keeping me perked.

I got my internet installed today.
On Monday I got news that I'm exempted from Malay in the A Levels.
On Monday I got the newspaper cutting that Alex, Zhuu Ming, Ru Xing and I appeared in.

On Monday, the reality sank in. I can't bear to look to my right now. Pei Ying's bed is no longer covered by her blue bedsheet with kittens, her drawers hold no more food for us to share, no sarong covering her cupboard to protect it from dust. Nothing on her table.

I expect to fail my Physics tomorrow. I never got down to studying. And...I can't.

Am I terribly attached and emotional?

I 'lost' two among my closest friends today. I wonder if anyone I know felt like this when I got my scholarship.

BackStreetBoys: Never Gone really applies to me now.

All the best to my first-ever room mate and my ex-classmate. Two people who had major roles in my life in Singapore for the past 6 months.

I'll miss them. Even though I know I can see them at the end of the year. But still....

Cest MoiY

Xtine
Loves
Music

'I dreamt that I was composing a symphony....I had gone to my table to begin writing it down when I suddenly reflected: "If I write this part I shall let myself be carried on to write the rest. The natural tendency of my mind to expand the material is sure to make it very long...When the symphony is finished I shall be weak enough to allow my copyist to copy it out, and thus immediately incur a debt of 1,000 or 1,200 francs. Once the parts are copied I shall be harassed by the temptation to have the work performed; I shall give a concert in which, as is sure to be the case in these days, the receipts will barely cover half the expenses; I shall lose what I have not got; I shall want the necessaries of life for my poor invalid, and shall have no money for either myself or for my son's keep on board ship!"...I threw down my pen saying, "Bah! I shall have forgotten the symphony tomorrow." But the following night the obstinate symphony again presented itself...'
- Berlioz writing about a nightmare he had during the 1850s

SHE WANTSY

job >3
grand piano <3
happiness

SCREAM;TALKY

(where to get one)

EXITSY

CREDITSY

Designer: x o
Image: shinylibra94